Serenity
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18+ Crimbo poemA Christmas Story
'Twas the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed.
He cursed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of 'Thanks Santa' - what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money -The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days - they're really the pits
They want the impossible - Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There's No Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
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redhead
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excellent , now how he feels except saving all year 
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Selious5
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very good Debs -
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Memph1s
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i have another version to this:
Twas the night before christmas
and all through the house,
everyone felt shitty,
even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse,
dad smoking grass;
I'd just settle down
for a nice piece of ass.
Out on the lawn,
I heard such a clatter.
I sprung from my chair
to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn,
I saw a big dick.
I knew in a minute,
it must be St. Nick.
He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell.
I knew in a moment,
the fucker had fell.
He stuffed all our stockings
with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney
with a thunderous fart.
that son of a bitch
blew my chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed
as he rode away,
piss on you all
and have a hell of a day
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Selious5
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That was really funny Dave - still laughing  
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Serenity
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lol the merriment begins!
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