Bullying at School.

Serenity · Bullying at School.

I was bullied a lot during my secondary school days, especially in the last two years. I was almost 6 foot and of course I stood out in a crowd. This made me a target for most of the bullies in my own year and the upper year. I had no confidence at all and wouldn't dare stick up for myself. I'd often walk home, to be taunted by the gangs of so called ' hards'. Having my hair pulled, being tripped up and kicked. The name calling was never ending. The school never had anti-bullying policies like they have today so really there wasn't a lot I could do about it. I just tried to keep my head down, I'd walk home different ways, I'd hang back in school so I didn't have to face my tormentors. At the time it was quite traumatic and there were times I wish I could have died , so it would stop.

I look back now and wonder what I was so frightened of? Half my tormentors were half the size of me! But when they were together it was harder to be brave against them. But looking back I see how weak and cowardly they really were, they were just people, they weren't super human, and if they as much as said boo to me now they would get more than they expected! It's just a pity it took me till I was grown up to realise this lol. I'd always say try stand up for yourself, no matter how scared you are. TELL someone, a parent, family member, teacher, anyone. You'd be surprised how much it helps to talk about it, rather than bottling it all up and trying to cope on your own.

I'm sure others have better advice, and stories to tell, so hopefully this section can be of some help to you

Amber

My son was bullied because of height ,i'm a shortass, he went trough a real tough time and hated school.
My hubby once caught him in his room with a knife to his wrist, my son was broken, but did the school care-- no anti bulling policy my ass.
All they would do was to keep my son back at home time,stay in at break times & teach him on his own. Hello who's the victim

He came home once after being pushed in to a nettle bush, and knocked about by 4 lads
he was bruised and suffered, i went to the police and the lads were taken out of school with the parents and to me were punished as they were locked in a cell for an hour, pleased to say that scared the **** out of them.

The police wanted to take it to court but my son would have had to give evidence which he begged me not to do, so we didn't couldn't put him through that.

Anyhows the lads being locked up did the trick, they left him alone.
he was 13/14 at the time, but that shortass has now grown into a 5-10 hulk which i'm very proud of. me i'm still a shortass

Serenity

I think good old fashioned shock tactics like locking them up for a few hours should be applied much more freely! Im glad it worked in your sons case, and that was the end to your problems. People need to take bullying very seriously, its devastating the effects it can have on childrens mental health. Bravo to the police in your case. !

Piggypetal

I'm glad things got sorted out for your son. It's good to know that some cases do get resolved and the right people punished. We tried all avenues with Amber's school they would tell us that it was being dealt with, then within days it would start up again so we pulled her from the system permanantly in May. Even then we've since had to deal with the same girls carrying on harrassing and threatening her online, death threats posted on websites I gave the police screen shots but they did nothing! They still keep trying to get at her despite her changing her user ID a few times. It's not as regular as it was but here we are 6 months on and they still feel the need to harrass her.

Selious5

I wasn't bullied at school but my son was - in primary school and a number off incidents made me so mad - particularly if there was any ganging up on one. There were times when I was so anfry that I used to march up to the school and demanded politley but firmly what was being done about it.
He was a clever laddie but although he tried not to show it he did suffer from it badly. Once he got to high school he had a tendency not to make friends. He came home for lunch and a great deal of confidence was knocked out of him..
I was so glad when he got to university that he made a lot of friends and this for him and for me was like a healing process. It takes a lot of years if you have been badly bullied and they need a lot of reassurance and love shown. Knowing what my son came through made me more alert as a teacher to kids in the school. I was really quite harsh on bullies and that became well - known in the school. He is now a chemical engineer working in England looking after himself with not only new friends but many of his uni pals travel down for a week- end but it could have turned out so differently

Serenity

It's great to hear his acheivements Seli

Like you said its a hard road to go down, I found too, that once I had left school, I left the bullies behind . I've had the odd confrontation with people in my adult life. People who like nothing better than to complain to you about things. It used to bring back the old feelings. I'd clam up, not answer back and quite basically let them have a go at me. But over the years, even that has changed. If someone has a go at me about something, I now stand up and say something back! It's a wonderful feeling too

Piggypetal

I'm really pleased things worked out well for your son in the end Seli no doubt he's now a much stronger person and one of the "good people" in the world. It just makes me so angry that kids have to suffer this at all and things seem a lot worse than a few years ago, despite all the claims of "anti-bullying policies"

Pinkangelmum

I was also bullied at school, it was by a boy and he was like a giant compared to me and was a big build to. It happend at high school, I remember crying every night dreading having to go the next day. The whole class used to laugh at him to which made him worse. I think it might have been because they were scared of him, not really sure. I can't think of anything he didn't call me to be honest. He was horrible. I remember my maths teacher, she was an angel she really helped me. Although she wasn't able to stop him it was nice to know that she was there for me to talk to about it anytime i needed to. It wasn't until the last two school years that it stopped, And this was because we had the option of picking our own subjects for GCSE's. I remember that i had to take my Art exam and i looked at the list and noticed i was in the same room as him, I couldn't believe it, I went to the head of art and thankfully they had it changed cause i was in tears to him about it, i was that scared.

He dated a girl through school and they dated when we had finished school to. A family friend lived in the same village at the time and was also friends with the girlfriend. I heard that he had changed how he felt about her shortly after we left school. And this poor girl had a breakdown he was that awful to her. How low can someone possibly get. If i was ever to see him again, and he was to mutter a word wrong to me i would give it him back and tell him exactly what i thought of him. If anything just to let all the anger and upset out that he caused me.

My children starting school has been the only thing that i have been worried about, since day one. I am so scared, a hope to god that they never come across what i went through. If they do experience it then i hope that they can stand up to who ever it may be. Unlike i ever could. I get so worried about it that i cry sometimes. y boys are only 1 and 2 years, and its effecting me now. As stupid as it sounds i just can't help it.

All my life people have said to me '' You will regret the day you leave school, because its the best days of your life''. I know for a fact it wasn't mine and i would never go back and face all that again. I would rather cope with the adult life and worries.

Serenity

Me too Kells! No way would I want to go back, but IF I did, I know that I would have stuck up for myself, it isnt till youre grown up you realise the bullies were only human, not some superhuman that wouldnt get hurt back with retaliation.

We as parent will always worry about something like this, but you can't make yourself ill thinking about it. Just be vigilant when your kids are at school, and if they become withdrawn etc then talk to them, and hopefully they will open up to you and you can sort things out. Always remember too, that if it becomes extreme you can always have home tutors, which I can't remember them having in my day. There are answers and help nowadays, nothing has to be tolerated XX

crazyguy24

Serenity,
Sorry to hear you was bullied. Like yourself, for me the bullying took place in them last couple of years. I hated every minute of school and felt trapped because I felt that I couldnt tell anyone about what I was going through. It was mostly name calling and it still hurt and drained nearly all my confidance

Serenity

It's made me stronger now though

Hope you have gotten over it too?

crazyguy24

Im over it but I do still think about it sometimes. Its took me years to get my confidance back again.

Serenity

If only the bullies realised how badly they can effect people into adulthood ! grr I have confidence issues still, but most of those stem from how my father was to me as a child. Although I put a very good front on lol !

redhead

Sadly bullying goes back a long way !!!!! except no-body would believe it years ago , many moons ago my sis and I joined a new senior school half way through the term (house move) almost from the start 2 girls took an instant dislike to us coz we moved from across the water like 10miles away!!!!! first sis started getting bullied than me very clever the bullies were to your face all chatty etc but once not with your friends would start with the cruel name calling then moving on to physical, tripping up, pushing etc we got dentention once because they went to the head and reported us for stealing (never stole) but the 2 were prefects so they were believed we held our heads high and took the detention , they would follow us home from school , so mum gave us bus fare to aviod them the bus stopped right outside the school .I rem we were shopping in the local high street and the 2 bullies were ther and started on us but unknown to them our mum was there heard what they said and had a right go at them the bullying stopped for a while then started again but this time they picked on us and our friemds same old thing name calling etc , on Friday nights we used to go to a local youth club and who should join the bullies we were sat out on the low wall chatting and they came over and punched my sis full on in the face , that was it I stood on the wall and hit back next minute there was a right old punch up ,they came of worse got banned from the club and the club organiser spoke to there parents after that the bulling stopped and they tried to be friends (the nerve )
I don't by any means approve of fighting but sometimes you have to stick up for yourselves because some ppl are just so stupid and don't know when to stop ., from that day on I have never let anyone get the better of me and will stand up to ppl usually shaking in me boots haha sis on the other hand lost all her confidence and used to sink into the background .
When my daughter started senior school she was bullied ,we had a chat how to handle it without fighting and thankfully nothing came of it . I have always told my kids to stick up for themselves as bully's pick on those that are to them easy targets .

Amber

confidence hit me real hard, still does at my age,
Anyhow my son who i posted about being bullied has me proud yet again.

He goes to cadets and is now a tall lad he was sooooooo tiny for his age , he is now 17yrs, they have some new recruits just started and one of the lad's is tiny for his age, he was being picked on by one of the bigger lads' my son intervened and told the bully to leave him alone or he would have him to deal with. My son said I aint havin it, it is the worst thing ever to be picked on, i it had all my school life and nearly killed myself. to which this bully apoligised to the lad and said he never realised what it does to people.
My son has now taken the short lad under his wing and said you have any problems you come to me.

My son isn't voilent ---he now has a great way with words. proud mum

Serenity

Oh Julie, it sounds like you and Angie had the same school days as me, bloody awful at the hands of bullies. Was great that you finally stood up to them, that's all it takes , if you can manage to do it, well done to you.

And aww Angie, I'd be proud too! Well done to your son, and I bet the little lad is well chuffed!

crazyguy24

Its really horrible because the schools seem to do very little about the matter. In fact its as though they dont care and dont have a clue whats going on right under their nose. Like I said I was scared to tell anyone cus I felt like it would have made the sitchuation worse and it would have given them more ammo. I nearly failed all my exams because of bullying.

redhead

It's a sad fact of live today that the bullies not only pick on you at shool but heard stories of bullying , threats over the internet

Skippy X

before i figured out now to get my favourite pages to come up automatically (6 months ago), i was addicted to myspace.
so i googled myspace.

i read one thing that came up;
it was a teenage girl in the UK, she met a 'good looking' lad on the site, they swapped several messages, then he turned nasty!!... & people kept posting direct attacks on the girl on her page, on forums, etc.

anyway, turned out the boy wasn't really messaging her, it was her former best friend!! (all together now; "bi-atch!")
the conned girl was devastated & killed herself!!!!!

i know teens can be especially cruel at times & not being sexist, but i think girls are worse than boys, as they tend to mentally bully each other, whereas us lads usually get physical.

the story's probably still on net if anyone wanted to search it....

Serenity

I'm with you on that too Skips, I think girls are far worse. I've have a few friends whose kids have been cyber bullied, and it must be hard. But to be honest, If one of mine were being bullied, I'd turn the friggin PC off, I know you shouldn't let bullies spoil your fun, but take yourself out of the cycle and there is nothing they can say that will get to you, if you're not online to read it. Ok so my methods probably aren't right, but I'm sure it'd work.

redhead

I have to admitt girls are bitchy and grown mature woman espec in work place !!!!!!can be so back stabbing !
Like you Serenity turn the pc off the story of that poor girl to believe she was chatting to a lad and all the time it was agirl , to have bottled all that up then to take her life it so tragic . I thought sites were checked for abuse aand taken off ! or the poster banned

toni38

my grand-daughter who will be 6 soon is being bullied at her infant school,my daughter has seen her teacher n head teacher but its still happening,she even making out that she is ill every morning.my daughter has now pulled her out of that school and she starts a new one after easter.my daughter explained to the head teacher what she was going to do and why,her reply was ''well it is only verbal abuse''. i couldnt believe that was her response.says alot for the school doesnt it???

redhead

A 6yr old being bullied , only verbal abuse what kind of head teacher is she !! Iwould have gone to the board of govenors and complained about the teachers response !!!!!!
I hope the new school is better for her and she settles in ok the poor little mite!

I'm gobsmacked a 6yr old where 's the parents ,?

knewlove

Being a teacher myself, no teacher should ever respond to a bullying issue with 'oh well it's only verbal abuse!!' That's ridiculous and that teacher's response and the incident should be reported to the principal. As teachers we are taught never to take bullying lightly especially with 6 year olds! Zero tolerance at any age for that matter! Please report her to administration. Her passiveness will only contribute to more serious issues.

toni38

it was the head teacher (principle) that told my daughter it was only verbal abuse,,i have told me daughter to take it higher ie governers..my grand-daughter will be at the same school that my son attends and i know she will love it as its a great school..he absolutely love it there....

knewlove

Yes, do encourage your daughter to take it to the administration and school board office for the sake of the other students. That school sounds like it needs to be run by a better principal! I hope the new school will be better for your granddaughter

Good luck and keep us posted!

Serenity

Wow Toni thats awful!!! It makes ya worry so much

especially for a 6 year old, it shold be the happiest days of their lives! Lets hope she enjoys her new school and being with your son

...let us know how she gets on!

Amber

Oh my god a 6yr old that is sooooooooooooo bad, but then i question where has the 6yr old bully seen bullying, does the 6yr old bully come from a home of bullies,

I'm not making excuses here but if i was a a teacher i would speak to the bully and try find out about home life, is she being bullied from home, is she craving for attention and this is her way of getting attention. I do feel this goes much deeper.

Selious5

I am so glad Toni that you took the steps to remove her from that school before there was too much damage done particularly when she was starting to make excuses for not going. A child's confidence at that age can be taken away so quickly and it is more difficult to make friends. I am a retired teacher and I would take this matter further as others have suggested and let the higher ups be aware of why you have removed your child - that was a very stupid remark to make by the headteacher particularly when there is probably an anti- bullying policy within the school in which verbal abuse is speciffically stated
Hope the wee one will be happier where she is going and settles well

Dreama

Every school HAS to have an anti bullying policy, and verbal abuse is on equal level to all the other sorts. I help out at school a lot as i run a parents group, and i'm also a governor, so i know that that remark by the headteacher was completely unprofessional, and against any policy they might have. you should have took it further, and actually still could write a letter of complaint to either the governors, local education or both. what about the next 6 year old at that school? the bullies are still there and need to be sorted.

toni38

many thanks for your replies,i will be showing these to my daughter to encourage her to take it further!!! my grand-daughter cant wait to start her new school, which isnt til next tuesday!! i know she will get on well at this school as my son attends it and has made many friends,he is a very shy little boy, but since starting school he has come on leaps n bounds as they say.....

Littlemiss

awww thats great!

i think bullying is the main problem in schools today, you hear of it all the time

Through junior and infant school i had a great time, loads of friends, high grades i was sad to leave for secondary, but i made new friends and started enjoying myself, but my school life came tumbling down at my 3rd year at secondary, it started with a group picking on me verbally, it scared me one day i couldn't take it anymore so when i got home i had a good cry and told mum, she pulled me out of the school and we hunted for a new one and asked for places, i got a letter from a school saying they have a place for me, i was pleased.
Although a few days after before i accepted my place, the attendance officer from my old school came round, promised to keep me safe this time, it sounded nice so i turned down my place at the new school and kept with the old one, i was put in a small quiet class with other pupils who had different problems until i was comfortable with going into mainstream classes, they were nice, one day we all went to the computer room and when it was time to leave a few boys were taking their time so the teacher knew i was okay to carry on back to the class on my own so i did, but on the way the group that bullied me was in the corridor, the boy sprayed me in the eyes with deodrant, they all laughed, i ran back to my class and told the teacher, i couldn't see a school nurse as their wasn't one at the time.., i went to the doctors after i was lucky it wasn't worse i had an infection which cleared up.
I told the attendance officer and he said these things happen!! i was angry, he promised to me i'd be safe and this happens.
My place at the other school had gone, no other school would accept me as it was too late cos they were starting gcse term, i was predicted A's and A*'s in my gcses, but never got them because of that i got into a deep depression, i had no friends, no social life i thought my life was over, even my cousin said i was a nobody.

But...on a lighter note i started karate it built up my confidence, i made friends, now im a changed person i got a boyfriend and have been with him for 9 months, and i got a place in college for september to get them grades, i might be later than people my age but i'll get there!

That was my story, so if you're at school or have kiddies in school, tell them to tell someone and get it sorted before its too late, moving school is a good option, especially if its a group as they're not gonna kick them all out of the school!

Serenity

That's a heartbreaking story to read, it reminds me so much of my school days

I couldn't wait to leave and be free of my tormentors...It's such a shame you were promised to be kept safe, and then dismissed when something happened, thats really not on! It's so hard to build confidence and trust in a system that let you down in the first place , yet alone twice!

I'm glad you are settled now, and are looking forward to college. It really is different from school, once kids get older and realise they can be prosecuted, and ruin their futures they think twice about bullying. Although theres always one cock that thinks they own the place no matter where you go lol...happy days ahead Stacey, embrace them