Losing Someone

Serenity · Losing Someone

It's a sad fact of getting older that we lose family members and friends. Sometimes its so hard, you think your life will never be the same, and that you will never be happy again. Thankfully this isn't true, life goes on, and with time becomes more bearable and eventually you start to enjoy things again. It's great if you have someone to talk to, I felt it was better to talk about the person who'd died. Sometimes we are scared to, and think people won't want to listen to us, but it's great remembering the good times we shared with the ones we lost, and talking about it.

This section will be dedicated to those memories. A place to talk about how we felt, and still feel. A place to help each other deal with our losses, and offer our advice

pompeylil

Hello Serenity. As i said in my other posting, I lost my lovely husband in march after a 5 year battle with a lung disease. I miss him so much.
The pain feelslike it was only yesterday. I didn't know how i would get through it.
But with the help of my lovely daughter, her 4 smashing children and my very good friends, I'm not doing to bad.
I think this page is a good idea for those who are not as lucky as me to have such friends. And i hope they find new friends at a time when they need it most....Jackie

Amber

10 yrs xmas we lost our brother to a tragic accident , we were devasted ,

It was made easier by coming from a big family (9) we supported each other, my sister turned to drink but thankfully she soon stopped.

The support from our own hubbies and kids helped a great deal.

It is true ppl do not know what to say to you at these sad times but i found talking about him helps.

You never get over it---- but learn to live with it,
Strange that i was up the crem this morning talking to him and yes today i did get upset, i was telling him all about my 1st granchild even showed him some photo's, he also loved kids.

Always talk to your passed loves one , they hear you , even when your angry with them for leaving you, and they are with you

I'll stop there now.

Serenity

I can still feel your rawness Amber

It's great to go talk to him, and share things. I often have words with passed ones, and remember them when doing the odd little thing and smile to myself. Or say to the kids, 'hey grandma would be laughing now', and they giggle about the things she used to do. Thank goodness our memories don't get taken away too

Selious5

Yes - I too have experienced the loss of my sister. She was 41 and contracted cancer. I live in Scotland but she had moved to England and we didn't see each other as you would if she had stayed nearer. We didn't find out about it until she was taken into hospital in December and she was gone by the beginning of February. My home is the place where everyone runs to in the family even my cousins and you know - that is a big burden and responsibility because you hear statements like "get Anna..."
"Anna's here ........

I went down to nurse my sister for the last 10 days and there was one thing that stuck in my mind. I was a teacher and the Head teacher said to me when I asked for leave was - "sometimes there is nothing you can do - you have to let them go" - she was correct. The last 12 hours I prayed to God not to save her but to take her - she had fought the fight

Death is a strange thing - In some cases it can give you a strength you never thought you had

redhead

Cancer is so cruel to be taken so young and I understand you asking god to take her she had fought a hard battle and her battle is over , at least you have some happy memories and it does help talking about her , although painful time is a healer but you never forget .

Selious5

You are so right Red

Sad to say but similarly - I feel that all this re-hash about Diana should be stopped. I am aware that Dodi's father probably wants closure and justice for his son if he has suspicions of intent rather than accidental death but I can;t help but feel that despite this hearing the answer will still be same as it has been all those years. There comes a time to let the dead go and look to the living. 10 years is long enough
Let her rest in peace

Serenity

Amen to that !

I lost my mum-in-law about 5 years ago now. I used to semi-care for her, going in three mornings per week. I'd do her housework, washing, ironing. I'd shower her, wash her, dress her. She was such a caring soul, a laugh a minute, kind of eccentric in the most charming of ways. She had been a big woman too most of her life, around 6 foot 2 in height and and very well built. I saw her waste away to what can only be described as a walking skeleton. She was such a figter and never complained. But those last few weeks, where she just lied in her bed dying, were heartbreaking.
Why euthinasia isn't allowed in this country I'll never know. She wasn't concious most of the time and only stirred momentarily, when she was turned in her bed. She didn't eat, just layed there as if asleep. We used to keep talking to her, sitting with her, she was never alone. Between the family and the nurses we managed round the clock care for her. I too, like you Seli, chatted to her one afternoon, and told her to let go. She'd fought her fight and had lost. I wanted to see her at peace, she knew we were all around and she would be reunited with her husband who had passed quite a few years previous.

She did pass eventually. I still find it hard, even writing this, as I loved her so much, she was a second mum to me

I find it hard on a Saturday afternoon, as we used to take the kids to see her then, and they had so much fun together. There is a big gap in our lives, but I'm so glad that I was priveleged enough to have known and loved this wonderful woman.

redhead

I agree with you Seli its time especially for her boys to let her rest in peace , yes it was very tragic but no amount of inquests will give the answer that Dodi's father wants , its time to let go and put closure on the whole affair ,

jaydee

I lost my husband to lung cancer, in 1997, he was 51, he was such a lovely thoughtful fun loving man & we had 11 wonderful years together he suffered terribly but was never without a laugh & a joke, we never wanted to be parted, & when he knew his time was near he said he didn't want to be put with strangers & wanted to be buried in the garden, this wasn't allowed so a friend suggested i do what she had done with her mother, & that was put her ashes in a planter, that way she would be with her wherever she went, so thats what we did. ( i have been told by some people that i am sick) but i have moved a lot & as you now now live in France, but he came with us, & i talk to him every day, & feel he is here with us. When i met, my present hubby just over 4 years ago, i told him & he didn't have any problem with it at all, in fact he talks to him as well, & when we moved here the first thing he said was don't forget Roy. Sounds silly but i know if they had met they would have been best friends so that helps, i have been lucky & had 2 soul mates & they are both with me.

Serenity

How tragic he died at such a young age

Oh thats not sick at all!!
Thats a lovely thing to do and shows what a caring person you truly are. I think it's wonderful to take him where ever you are, it's like taking your memories along with you

Its great that you've found another soul mate, and it sounds like he is as wonderful as your fist hubby, and for him to share the same ideals as you is really warming. I would keep my hubbies ashes if he were to die before me, and I would sprinkle them in a place I knew I would live my days out at, if not like you I'd keep him safe with me where ever I went

Amber

Jaydee, you take no notice what so ever what other people think.

each and everyone of us should do what we feel is right for you.

jaydee

Thumper

June I don't think you are sick at all, I think it's really nice what you have done, and at the end of the day it makes you happy, and that's all what counts, I think it's great that you are able to take the planter with you wherever you go, My husbands mum died at 43 from cancer too, and she had always asked to be cremated and she said she didnt care what was done with her ashes, she left it up to my husband and his sister to decide and they both agreed to have them buried at our local cemetery and to have a head stone so there would be a place for people to go if they wanted, but this decision upset the rest of the family as they thought it was going against her wishes, but she just meant she didn't want her body to be buried, but they all seem happy now, it took a while though,

redhead

Its unfortunate when family disagree where ashes should be placed , my brother went to sea all his life ,because he died so suddenly he never left any wishes , so the family sat down and all decided to bury his ashes at sea ,at the time of his death he was working on the local ferry to the I.O.W.after losing his deep sea job any hows we had permission to bury him at sea ,and we look at it that he's still sailing the great oceans . we have a chosen place at the crematorium by the stream where we go and lay flowers and chat .
HAPPY SAILINGS BRO MISS YOU

Amber

we sure do miss you ,but you come now and have little chats which is great,

You obviously know what i'm going through as you visited me last nite, when i couldn't sleep again.

I have taken on board what you told me , such wonderful words and made me really think.thanks love you xxxx

Dreama

i lost my husband 4 years ago in march, but we had seperated 2 years before. spookily, we seperated on 27th march 2002, and he died 27th march 2004 in a car accident. At the time i felt like a fraud grieving for him as we were seperated but i was his widow as we hadn't divorced, and i really did feel like i'd lost my husband and grieved for him as such, and still do. I still can't believe he isn't here and if i think about it too deeply i still feel as gutted as the day he died. But thankfully that isn't as often now, life does move on and my children have adjusted really well, which i think depends on how you, as the parent deal with it aswell. There is a lot of bitterness from his family towards me which won't be healed so unfortunately the children don't have that link with their father.

Serenity

You've such a level head Shell and thats a blessing for your kids state of mind

It's a shame that his family are how they are, but at least you and your kids have your own memories of him. Memories that can't be twisted or poisoned by anyone, and to not have contact with them is certainly their loss!..... I can't believe it was 4 years back it doesn't seem that long ago

Amber

I understand the feeling of the kids missing out on there dad's side. my bros kids have had no contact with our family since he passsed there choice not ours . we have not seen them for 10yrs now which is a shamre as at one time they were always round,, my parents are now grt granparents to 5 babies we have never seen. it is sad that when a person passes families seem to split up.

chibi_steph18

Well, she didn't die, but my sister tried to commit suicide the year before last, she overdosed on some prescription meds.

My mom was freaking out and she and my stepdad took her to the hospital and got her stomach pumped to get it out of her system. I was left at home with my brother and a little boy who was spending the night with us (we were watching him for his parents). I don't like to cry, so I try to not do so...ever. But I pretty much lost it, and all I could do was call that one person that I could tell anything to, and pour my heart out..It was a rough time.

Thumper

Steph you must have been so scared, and you should cry from time to time it's good for you

Hope your sister is O'K now

chibi_steph18

Well, I think she is over her suicidal tendencies, but...she is so hard to live with. She is so lost...Idk how else to explain it. Like, she doesn't seem to want to do anything with her life except drink and have sex and talk bad about people and stuff like that. She doesn't even want to go to college anymore (which, ok, she doesn't have to, but what else is she going to do?) She always goes on and on about how she doesn't love Mom or our stepdad, how all her old friends hate her now and how they are all stupid...how she wishes she lived with our dad instead. Someone told me that Rachael (my sis) said she was happy that I was moving to college. Happy! I mean...jeez, I never do anything to her...Gah, she makes me so mad sometimes..

Serenity

That must have been a dreadful thing for you to have to go through Steph, you must have felt so helpless

Wondering why your sister couldn't speak to anyone too, when she felt so desperate. It's good that you had someone to speakk to though and even better that she didn't succeed. Is she ok now? Or do you still fear for her?

chibi_steph18

Sometimes I do, like when she gets upset or really angry and holes up in her room for a long time..but otherwise, i think she is ok for now

Serenity

Thats great to hear Steph

Mostly things like this are a cry for help, and with support people overcome their depressive thoughts

Amber

Steph-- just by reading your post, i sense your sis is very lonely even though she has people round her. actually i'm going to Pm you .

toni38

it is true time is a great healer,i lost my son aged 16mths in 1987,he is in my thoughts every single day,if it wasnt for the support of my husband n family i dont know how i would have got through.i went on to have 2 more children.and i now have 3 grandchildren so my life is pretty hectic :lol:my son is still much a big part of my life.he is talked about often by my grandchildren who didnt know him but have heard us talk about him.

Serenity

I can remember the devastation Toni that everyone felt, but yours must have been a battle to come through....... to remember him and still talk about him must give you comfort.....thank goodness our memories of lost loved ones , lasts forever, and no one can take that away from us

xxxx