Seeing a Councellor

loftyness · Seeing a Councellor

at school, i've seen alot of fights, but never really been in a fight, most of the kids ive seen fighting have never seen a councellor or any form of help. The other week during a basket ball game at school students were refereeing the games, and the rules wern't solid there was alot of contact going on, and a guy had a tendancy on pushing and shoving me whilst playing, later on during the game i'm covering a pass he wants to take hops forward and throws the ball backwards hitting me in a really sensitive part of the body causing me alot of pain whilst he stood there with the most annoying smerk on his face ever, i know i shouldn't have done it, i totaly lost my rag with him, got him up against the wall and we was broke apart, i was still furious about it and ran across the pitch and hit him three times. I have been advised too see a counceloer and have already have one meeting with the lady. From my point of view this is pretty pointless as this was my first incident and alot more kids have been alot more violent around school.

Selious5

I think the most important thing here is to understand that it doesn't really matter what other kids do - this is about you and you alone and there are ways in which anger has to be managed particularly if you are playing in sport situations albeit that you acted as a result of an extremely painful episode.

There are 2 very positive factors however in that you know yourself that you shouldn't have hit the player - that is something a lot of folks would not admit to and secondly that this was a first incident for you. I know you may be angry about the situation but sounds as if you have your head scewed on the right way.

Ducky

i dont think you need to see a councilor but to perhaps talk with the person you hit and get you to sort it out that way would be better. hitting someone is not the answer but its hard when you are a teenager to handle things sometimes you sound mature to know you did wrong but to be mature you have to have constraint and like us you have to sometimes hold your tongue or hold your fists

Serenity

It's always a hard one, espeically when it's your child that has done the bad deed. Martin knows that it's wrong to hit anyone, as I've always told him. This was out of character for him, even the year head said this, when I went to see her about the incident. She did say he was rather moody the last 6 months, but to be honest, show me a 15 year old boy of that age that isn't! lol all those hormones flying around, with huge amounts of Testosterone, and something like this is bound to crop up. I'm sure this won't happen again, and the year head agreed totally that Martin (although at times grumpy) is a good mannered and polite student, who she gets on well with .

Maybe talking to a counsellor will help him to control any outbursts that might occur in the future. I've told him, if another student, starts being too boisterous during any game, and he feels angered by it, then to walk off the pitch/court, and tell the teacher he wants to sit the game out. I'd rather him get into trouble for walking away from a game, rather than hitting someone in it!

redhead

I believe that this incident will be a learning kerb for you ,most people hit in that area I'm sure would have acted the same, not saying its right but at least you thought about your actions after , to me its all part of growing up we have all done ,reacted to incidents the wrong way as long as you learn .I agree with ducky that prob the best soluation to this would be to talk to the other person explain why you reacted like you did ,shake hands and move on , why your seeing a counseller I don't understand , unless you are prone to reacting in this manner ,in which case you need some positive advice on how to deal with anger. what ever it is I'm sure it will be sorted .

ImBlonde

I would've probably done the same thing though to be fair. I dont think you need to see a counsellor - it is true that there are far worse violent tendencies with the other kids round school cause I've seen it myself. I don't think you would need anger management either - obviously this guy just pushed you too far and if I was in your shoes I would've hit him if he'd pushed me the first time. But I do not in any way advocate that you should just go round hitting people

Thumper

I think many of us would have done the same thing in your situation, I know I would have done if it was me. But at least you know you done wrong and you would think twice about hitting someone again. I think seeing a counsellor is a little bit extreme in this circumstance, It is the first time you have done anything like this !

Just try and keep your cool if this happens again, and walk away!

As for your teacher saying you have been moody I think you are being a teenager! You haven't got long left at school, just grin and bare it Martin!

knewlove

I'm in my mid 30's and I feel kinda foolish asking this...but I have a problem. I am absolutely stumped about this and if any of you gals around the same age as me or older can offer any suggestions or objective perspectives about this I'd greatly appreciate it!

My mother (who is turning 60 this year) ...recently mentioned to me she is seeing a counsellor! It came out of nowhere. My mom still lives in the same town as her mother (my Nonna) lives. But her husband (my Nonno) just passed away last year) So my Nonna has become quite dependent on my mother and her three other sons living in town.

But according to my mom - between my Nonna and me we bring my mother down so she started seeing a counsellor to better learn how to deal with us!)

When I phone my mom (which is maybe three or four times a month) ( I live 2600 km's away) ( a 2 day drive at the least) from her and haven't seen her in over a year...on the phone we mostly share recipes or whatever. Now and then I might have a bad day and I share it with her and as well she vents her bad days to me!

I am confused. I thought it would be good for my mom to talk to a specialist any maybe help her clear up all the things she's buried under the carpet.
But now my mother wont talk to either of us. She has my step-father intervene all our calls! This came out of nowhere btw and without any real explanation! (so my Nonna and me agreed to phone each other instead so we don't burden my poor mother!!! We don't get it!!???) What does she have to complain about??? Why is it our fault??? I don't want to think this of my mother but I can't help but think -- Isn't is gratifying for her to see other people's lives are a schmozzle? It makes her feel better about her own life..(which she won't deal with) at least temporarily!

I don't know what's going on with her? Or how I can help? Or even if any of this makes sense!

Serenity

That's a tricky one Kris

I would be inclined to think that she was suffering from depression (obviously), and perhaps like a lot of people is having irrational thoughts? We all know how screwy things look when we are depressed, everything is exaggerated tenfold, those who love and are trying to help us seem the biggest Demons of all, and usually end up on the end of our wrath, deservingly or not.

Perhaps her counsellor has advised her to take a break from those she sees as her Demons? Or perhaps she herself has decided to keep herself away, until she is feeling better, so that she doesn't hurt you both unecessarily. Hopefully once her counselling starts to work, she will get in contact with you both and rebuild the closeness.

for now, you and your nan have to be patient and respect her decisions no matter how bizarre they seem.

Perhaps you could write to her, a short lighthearted letter, just talking about general stuff, not mentioning anything about her state of mind or yours or anything serious. That would just let her see you are there for her?

Let us know how things develop Kris

redhead

Depression as you know from experience has a very weird effect on the way we see things, minor issues suddenly become enormous when I had my dep I stayed away from my family for 6mths+ the reason don't really know but to me it was braeking from the circle of probs , perhaops your mum is trying to break the circle , memories of happy times but at present bring sadness for no rational reason , it's sounds like part of the greiving process for her ,losing her dad , Ithink you said about her going to a counseller , firstly she has to accept the way she is behaving towards you and turning her back you can't see it when ppl are trying to help only that there interferring , like Serentity said drop a card let her know that you love her and there for her , even phone calls you don't have to speak to her leave a message . it will take time but time is a great healer . not an expert but it sounds like your mom was there for evryone else when her dad passed but didn;t grieve herself know things have settled the passing has suddenly hit her and she's feeling lost and very alone .
have patenice god bless .

knewlove

Thanks for your comments and what you say is so true. Plus, my mom does need some time to grieve herself as she stayed strong for everyone else during my grandfather's passing and pretty much everything else that has happened in her life too (that is my mom tho - being the eldest daughter of 6 kids) and always looking after everyone else..

I am going to respect her wishes and offer my shoulder - as I hope my mom already knows I support her but maybe writing her a nice letter will be a good idea too so that she knows I am here for her. The points you both made that problems with people/things are seemingly more 'bigger' when you're depressed was quite impactual. I suffer from this as well and am working on it.

It is a tricky situation and I have to be strong myself. My mom actually phoned me today for the first time in almost a month. Altho she acted like everything was all hunky dory and fine like nothing ever happened which kinda ruffled my feathers but I didn't say anything and we had a nice conversation.

She is sending me email jokes again so maybe things are looking up for her too. I sure hope so. Thanks for your very kind words Debbie and Redhead. I will keep you posted

Serenity

Aww that's brilliant news Kris! Especially seeings she made the reconnection herself...babysteps, but a great start

xxxxx

Thumper

Aww Kris glad to hear your mum has made contact with you

xxx

redhead

glad to hear but rem evrything to her is fine don't let it ruffle your feathers .