Step/foster Parenting

Serenity · Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 1:44 pm Post subject: Step/foster Parenting

Have you ever looked after a child from outside your household? Perhaps as a foster carer, or helping out a family member for various reasons. How did it go? What help did you receive? What happened after the child was taken out of your care? Anything you know about this issue, please feel free to share your experiences here

Amber · Member User Online: Joined: 28 Sep 2007 Posts: 381

Afew yrs ago hubby and me went to see about fostering, but didn't contiue as one of the things you had to do was let parents see there kiddies fair enogh, but you had to do reports on kid's /parents got on,----then you could say wether as well as professionals it was the right time for kiddies to go back to parents .

Icouldn't do it -- i would never have forgiven myself if a kiddie went home and later died from abuse/neglect.

tragically it does happen

Piggypetal · Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 2:04 pm Post subject:

My oldest step son lived with us for a year he had a lot of behavioural issues that we got sorted out, he went to stay with his mum for new year she wouldn't bring him back I still miss him we're working on getting him back but it'staking time!

But my best advice to other new step parents who are unsure of how to approach the whole thing is DO NOT TRY TO BE THEIR PARENT! Be there friend don't push things too quickly let them know that should they need you for anything you are there and let the child/children accept you at their own pace. It won't be easy but it's worth all the lows when they finally realise they can trust you and open up.

lothianchick · Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 9:20 pm Post subject:

i have 2 step daughters who are 22 and 25..when i first married there dad it was really difficult but once i had my 1st daughter things got much better.the 22 yr old ended up living with me from the age of 12.shes like my best friend now.had difficult times but the good times made it all worth it.id miss her loads now if we fell out

Memph1s · Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 8:25 pm Post subject:

when i was about 5 my parents split up, i moved away with dad and we moved around a lot. we finaly moved to great yarmouth and when i was about 7 my sister came to live with us. we were staying in a B&B and my dad met my step mum. i did the usual step child thing and rebelled against her, but not because i didnt like her or didnt want her to replace my real mum but i guess i didnt like change. i spent a lot of time arguing with her and ignoring her when one day we had a massive bust up, we shouted at each other and i even pushed her out of my way.

strange thing though, this actually caused us to clear the air and we got on better from that point. its been almost 15 years since the day we met her and i wouldnt change anything. i call her mum and i introduce her as my mum (this gets odd looks as shes only about 13 years older than me lol) and i couldnt ask for a better person to have brought me up. people even say im like her which i take as a compliment.

i know this is a discussion for step/foster parents, but i just wanted to share my story from being on the other end and let you know its kinda tough for us too
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Serenity · Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2007 6:52 am Post subject:

It's great to hear the other side Dave, that's what these threads are all about. 'Getting the whole picture', and making it clearer for others going through similar situations.

I understand about why you rebelled. When my parents split, we stayed with mum, for a long time it was us and her. Then when she started dating, I found it hard, mum was spending time away from us

how could she?........it was all very confusing, and I eventually realised I was jealous of someone else having her attention! I eventually grew up and realised, that she loved us all and needed time for herself, and more than deserved it too. But at first it was really hard to deal with, especially when you don't realise what it is you're feeling

It's great you can call her mum now Dave.

Also ann, being so close to your step daughter, must be a wonderful thing, and like you say, it makes the hard times seem worth it!
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daxxxx · Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:30 pm Post subject:

Thumper · Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:34 pm Post subject:

Go give her a good talking to and tell her to grow up and let the child make up their own mind.
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Shelley xx

daxxxx · Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:45 pm Post subject:

one thing i don't want to do is react to her ...u lot lol that's different ..i react to her she'd love that

it's the child i'm having problems biting my tongue with.. i know it's not his fault its just hard to ignore it.. without ignoring him
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Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, and professionals built the Titanic.

Shirley

Thumper · Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:08 am Post subject:

Just try your best to rise above it, I'm sure it will get better with time. I 'm sure if he was left to make up his own mind he would realise how lucky he is, But at the moment he is still young and can be manipulated without knowing it is being done, It's just a good thing the other 3 are old enough to realise this

Jodie and I never totally liked our Step-Dad when we were younger, It's hard when a new person moves into your home, We loved him to bits as we got older and still do.

I'm sure this will have an happy ending, I just don't know when that will be for you

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Shelley xx