Old but funny !

Serenity · Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 2:25 pm Post subject: Old but funny !

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can
do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

**************************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the
driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and
shouted at the
top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack,
beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she
said. "Just get out."

**************************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right, and the other is a husband.

**************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DVLA to apply for a
driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

**************************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and
said to them,

"I must tell you all something. We have a case of
gonorrhoea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm
so tired of chardonnay."

**************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more
butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn
them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE
are we going to
get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful .
CAREFUL! I said be
CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry
up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget
to salt them. You
know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE
SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong
with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show
you what it feels like when I'm driving."

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redhead · Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 5:31 pm Post subject:

Thumper · Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 6:02 pm Post subject:

Some good ones there Deb

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Shelley xx

Selious5 · Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 6:55 pm Post subject:

Excellent ones there - really really good

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>>>>>>>>
Hannah

Skippy X · Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 8:52 pm Post subject:

a zebra goes to a farm.

zebra sees a pig & asks "what do you do?"
pig replied "i stand in this field, i eat grass, then i'm slaughtered & eaten"

zebra then sees a cow & asks "what do you do?"
cow replied "i stand in this field, i eat grass, then i'm slaughtered & eaten"

zebra then sees a stallion & asks "what do you do?"
stallion replied "take your pyjamas off, stand in front of me & i'll show you!"
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"make a house a home"

knewlove · Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 3:06 am Post subject:

LOL funny

I like this one best:

A Polish immigrant went to the DVLA to apply for a
driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." crack me up!

and this one:

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and
said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of
gonorrhoea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm
so tired of chardonnay." hahaha
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Serenity · Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 5:38 am Post subject:

lmao
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chibi_steph18 · Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 10:17 am Post subject:

I like the last one best...USE THE SALT! lmao

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Sometimes I don't think birds are really talking to each other. They are just making fun of police sirens.
-Stephanie